Crystal Tears
by tanginamo
Summary: part 2 up! Crystal tears shall flow and inevitable heartbreak shall soon follow. Regret does come late. And when it does come, the things you did, however, can never be reared backward. HisokaxIllumi yaoi.
1. Prologue

**Title: **Crystal Tears

**Chapter Title: **Prologue****

**Author:** Noeleen a.k.a. ff-mistress (boyish_temptress_05@yahoo.com)

**Website:**   

**Rating: **PG-13 to R

**Pairings:  **Hisoka x Illumi ::: Hisoka x ?

**Summary:** Crystal tears shall flow and inevitable heartbreak shall soon follow. Regret does come late. And when it does come, the things you did, however, can never be reared backward. HisokaxIllumi yaoi.

**Time Line:** After the Geneiryodan incident, go figure it out yourself, as far as I know HxH wasn't finished on anime. I never did check out the manga. 

**Genre: **Yaoi. 

**Warning:** Unintended spoilers and OOCness. 

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the adorably lunatic clown Hisoka, nor the drool-worthy and ever gorgeous Illumi. But Yoshihiro Togashi does. No money gained.  

**Useless Notes:** Gaah. I really am crazy about Hisoka and Illumi now. Thanks to Cherrie and Nikki. *sighs* Cherrie I read ALL of your fics, they're friggin' great, mind you. Anyway, I'm a Filipina, 14-year-old, so don't be surprised about the wrong grammar. This isn't my first try for Hisoka X Illumi, but I think those were all immature not to mention lame. ^^; Anyway I am part of different yaoi fandom. Slam Dunk (HanaRu, MitKo, SenKosh), Saiyuki (Gojyo x Hakkai), HxH (Hisoka x Illumi), and Harry Potter (Draco/Harry). Enough with the rants ^^!

CRYSTAL TEARS 

Prologue 

Red strands of hair flowed carelessly with the night's chill, knuckles were already white as they were clenched ever so tightly while inevitable shivers ran down his spine and whether if it was caused by the cold or the anger that was burning inside him, he'll never know. "So that's it, we're through?" he asked. He had never heard his own voice sound so cold and distant, like the way he was feeling right at the moment. He stared at the silhouette standing and staring over the oblivion outside the window, he waited for a response, for a flinch, for any indication that the other was listening to him, but none came. 

"No parting words? No goodbye kiss, even?" he asked sarcastically. His hand running in the thickness of his crimson hair in frustration, jaw flexing ever so slightly as he willed himself to walk out of the damned room right at that instant, before he do something he'll surely regret. 

Though he had seen this coming, he was never ready to face it and know that it came he had no other choice but to get hurt. Damn. Since when was somebody capable of hurting him this way? He wasn't supposed to be hurt, he was Hisoka for cryin' out loud. Now, if only he could just convince that part of him that was betraying what his mind was dictating. Maybe then everything will be back to norm. 

The figure turned slowly, long raven hair fluttered in the air; ink black eyes were deprived of any trace of emotion as he fixed the magician an empty stare. "Are you quite through?" was his only response.  But that wasn't what he wanted to say. He wanted to tell the other, that what he said was only a lie. That he wanted him to stay. "…leave…" it was a command. He was careful enough not to let an emotion pass on his face; he was an assassin and was trained to do so. He needed to get rid of the magician; he needed to be himself again. 

_You can't live without him! You won't, you can't and you allowed him to be a part of you!_

He'll prove his father wrong; he'll prove all of them wrong. He can live without Hisoka. He can live alone and he needed no one. No one. Black eyes became even colder if that was even possible, determination burying his needs deep beneath. His decision was made, and none can change it.

So that's it, throw away the fucking two years? Well fuck him. If that's what he wants, then two can play the game. Then suddenly a chuckle echoed all through out, sounding eerie since the room was almost mute, chuckles that soon broke out in fits of laughter. The crimson haired magician filled the room with infuriating mirth while the ebony-haired assassin remained stubbornly silent. 

It was useless to dwell on a rejection. If the assassin didn't want him so be it. For the first time in his life he was finally giving up, but no one can blame him, he was already tired, so fucking tired of chasing someone who didn't ever want to be caught. 

Its time to move on, he was not Hisoka, if he'll let a thing like this ruin him. "Bye, then." He said. Smiling cheekily at the assassin as he turned around then started walking towards the door, not missing the fact that his footsteps were getting heavier as he moved closer and closer to the door. And when his hand finally reached the cold knob, he gave a final brief glance at the assassin, the very same one whom gave him a number of rejections that he already lost count. 

"Thanks for the free screw, anyhow." He chuckled and didn't wait for the assassin's reaction; so then he waved a dismissing hand and only then did he finally walk out of the room. By doing it, he knew that Illumi wasn't his anymore, and that the other also had cut any hold he had to him. Both of them were free again.

He didn't know where his feet were taking him; he had nowhere to go now because Illumi was his home. WAS.  Yeah, was. Such a little word yet such huge impact. He was aimless again, back to whom he was. Maybe he needed to kill someone. He needed to hear someone scream in agony, just like the way he was feeling right now, to soak his hands in blood, to take someone's life away, like Illumi did to him. There's a lot of time for that later. But for now he needed a place to spend the night away, but the last thing he wanted was to check-in in a hotel, he didn't want to lay down on a big empty bed.

The tree seems really inviting though. He didn't waste another second and swiftly jumped over a large tree branch, leaning comfortably against it, wanting sleep to take over him. But life sure is cruel because as soon as his eyes drifted close, he met raven-coloured cat eyes startling him into consciousness. He needed to sleep. Needed to get the damned assassin out of his mind, out of his skin. 

He pulled the tranquilizer out his pocket. If he can't reach sleep, he'll let sleep come to him willingly. The needle of the syringe glinted through the darkness as it was soon pushed against his flesh, the fluid that he made himself, flowing slowly and yet surely through his veins, lulling his system to the slumber he badly needed. 

He let himself fall out of the  tree branch not a bit concerned of suffering broken bones which he doubted if he would even have, but then he landed on something adequately soft. And before he could let oblivion take him he heard a soft voice whisper against his ear. "I found you…"

******

He stood transfixed at the same area, he lost track of time, not sure just how long he was standing on that very same spot, his black eyes looking straight on the closed door, the sound of that very same door closing with a softest click was deafening as it echoed over and over again inside his ears. This wasn't what he expected; it was far from it. He thought Hisoka would put up a fight, demand for an explanation, the last thing he thought he would do was walking out laughing. 

_"Bye, then." Hisoka had said while smiling cheekily._

The proud stance and the ever gracefulness he had earlier, slowly faltered, finally collapsing on his knees and onto the floor. Why is he so upset now? He succeeded on pushing the magician away, didn't he? This was what he wanted, was it not? Did Hisoka wanted to rid of him too? Why did he look so happy, leaving? Those question were left unanswered, because the fact that the only person who is capable of reciprocating his questions, was now gone. 

Hisoka's gone. He's gone. Hisoka's gone. And now the fact was bare, he's alone. Alone…

Do you ever get the feeling that your heart clenches so tightly it hurts? How about sharp nails clawing on it 'till it was raw. That was what he was feeling right now. And then he did something he thought he'd never let himself do again. He wept. He crouched into a tight ball on the floor, not minding the coldness of the tiles against his heated cheeks, and finally he let the tears go, no matter how out of character it was of him; the tears nonetheless cannot be held back. 

******

**after notes:** T_T I know they were VERY, VERY OOC. But anyhow reviews would be highly appreciated. Suggestions would be great too! Next chapter would be in a day or two. And oh I've got another fic about them, check it out please. Discovering of Us.

Off to the next chapter…


	2. Over and Done part one

**Title: **Crystal Tears

**Chapter Title: **Chapter I – Over and done part one (illumi's Chapter)

**Author:** Noeleen a.k.a. ff-mistress (boyish_temptress_05@yahoo.com)

**Website:**    

**Rating:** PG-13 to R

**Summary:** Crystal tears shall flow and inevitable heartbreak shall soon follow. Regret does come late. And though it comes, the things you did, however, can never be reared backward. HisokaxIllumi yaoi.

**Pairings:  **Hisoka x Illumi ~ Hisoka x ?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the adorably lunatic clown Hisoka, nor the drool-worthy and ever gorgeous Illumi. But Yoshihiro Togashi does. No money gained.  

**Time Line:** After the Geneiryodan incident, go figure it out yourself, as far as I know HxH wasn't finished on anime. I never did check out the manga. 

**Genre: **Yaoi. 

**Warning:** Unintentional spoilers and OOCness.

**Useless Notes:** Ahh… I don't really think I developed any plot as of now, yet. *frowns* I wonder if someone is wasting her time reading this junk.

**  Crystal Tears**

Chapter I

 Over and Done part one

A shrill cry broke the taciturnity of the night, the smooth tiled floor were suddenly soiled by a rich color of blood, the acrid scent of murder was suffocating, but nonetheless silver needles resumed on piercing over and over again in and out of a body that laid lifeless onto the ground. He knew that it wasn't like him to lengthen an assassination, but he just needed something to take his mind off other things.

Black eyes glinted dangerously when a rather reckless guard dared to hoist a gun at the said assassin. There was a soft click that signaled that the trigger was pulled and the bullet was fast directing towards him, but with swift agility, the bullet missed its aim. Moving in a rapid expertise, which he was trained to have, his legs swiftly enthused towards his target, too fast for someone who wasn't his level to witness and making him temporarily invisible from the other.

Another gunshot echoed inside the almost empty building, a single needle was all it took as it pierced onto a surprised throat, then a sickening thud followed as yet another lifeless body fell to the assassin's feet.

Bloodstained needles were swathed in each web of the fingers of a rather pale hand. Deep and extremely remote ebony eyes didn't as much as glance at almost over a dozen of corpse that lay on the floor. The soft sound of his boots tapping against the floor sounded almost loud, as he made his way outside the room. The bell rung noisily when an elevator opened in invitation, but he only passed by it, as he saw the stairs as a more convenient way for him to take.

He merely raised an eyebrow when he met two huge men halfway through the stairs, obviously guards, and halted him from taking more steps. Then almost unexpectedly, needles flew everywhere. Some landed against the wall, some onto the ceiling, but the last few were punctured deeply into two unsuspecting foreheads and two pairs of stunned eyes, anguished screams tore from the throat of the two victims, finally losing balance and rolling down the stairs and onto the bottom of the flight, then finally laid dead in a puddle of blood. The assassin didn't as much blink an eye that didn't held any guilt at all. Pathetic. That' was the only word that passed through his mind at those moments.

When his feet finally stepped out of the building the shadows he kept very carefully behind began to haunt him again.  He knew it was useless to even try, but he try nonetheless, who knows, he might get lucky enough this time. Despite the frosty depths of his eyes, and the chilly air of the night, even the icy barrier he had around him couldn't hide the burning longing he had inside his soul. 

Realization. Yes. When he let Hisoka go, only did he realize how much the other had become a part of him, and vice versa he suppose. He knew that he wasn't allowed to feel emotion. He was forbidden to do so. His father had warned him about these things, did he not? He wasn't a family rule breaker, Killua was, and yet he became one too, and that single illicit decision resulted in those two years. 

*****

_A lithe body was pressed rather forcefully against the wall by a more taller and more aggressive body, which belonged to Hisoka alone._

_"Heh! What you're gonna hide yourself inside that bloody barrier again? Gonna pretend you don't want me just the same?" Hisoka had asked, his hot breath insistent to make the fine hair on the nape of one beneath to perk._

_"Get off me…" he had ordered. The calm demeanor of his' was still there, denying what he was feeling, what his body was wanting, and he was aware that what his body wants was damnation and nothing more. Hisoka had not obeyed but pressed his body against the assassin even more. He knew that he could have easily pierced a couple of silver pins on that urging body. No one was stopping him at those moments, even the one on top of him._

_"Where are the needles?"  Hisoka was taunting him, he knew. "No one's stopping you." He smirked knowingly at him. "What? You don't want being read so easily? But I can, Illumi, I can. So what's the feeling of knowing that I can practically see those wheels turning inside your head?"_

_Illumi knew what Hisoka wanted, what he wanted. But it was temporary. It was a simple release, that would change him without doubt, and he didn't ever want to change. He couldn't say yes but couldn't say no either. And so he had said nothing._

_"Just tell me were thorough. And I would walk out without a word, without protest. I give you my word." Hisoka was tense on top of the assassin; the words seemed hard to be spoken out. "Tell me those words even right this very moment and I would."_

_Illumi know he should say it but found out he couldn't. He was aware that if he doesn't it would be the largest mistake of his life. And his answer was firm. _

_  
_

_"Stay."_

_At that night he had let Hisoka have him in the most pleasurable way possible. Hisoka had his way on him through out that night. Not one word passed, only incoherent moans that surprisingly came from him.  Illumi had been owned that night but denied that he was.  But still, he let himself feel despite the doubts that were creeping in._

*****__

Two years. It was two years since that night. Two years after he had said the word, "stay". And yet three months since he said the words "were through." It was almost ironic how those two years were ruined in a mere minute with a weapon of those two words. But these recent three months seems comparatively longer than the last two forbidden years.

With the night's silence as his companion he tried to flee from the pain, he was constantly convincing himself he wasn't feeling. It was his fault and he needed to face the consequences. 

He didn't need Hisoka. Or did he?

It was over and done and there was no turning back. 

And as he vanished onto the shadows of the night, he wondered. 

Was this really realization? 

Or is it regret?

*********

He was staring out the window; where the sun was finally setting and now gave way for the moon to finally rise from its confines. And yet another day to be added on the list. Three months since he last saw the striking red colored hair. Three months since he heard the annoying voice of a certain magician that never learned when to shut up. Three months without the ever-bold touches, the ever-teasing remarks, the non-stop complaints. Three long months… without-…

His thoughts were abruptly cut off by an angry growl, silver gray eyes glaring angrily at him. "Are you listening?" his father demanded, his thick eyebrows brought together by a displeased frown.

The raven-haired assassin did not deny. He kept his lips shut, staring ahead his father, and onto the window. The fact that his father caught him day dreaming was enough, lying would get him nowhere. "I wasn't." was his calm reply. His eyes never leaving the wall but never missed the startled look his younger brother, Killua, gave him and the blank look from his father.

Silva merely nodded, but the disgruntled frown was still there. "I want you to go for the next mission."

**A/n:** I know that the chapter is extremely short. But that's it for now. The next chapter will just be as short. Chapters will lengthen, I promise you, when the right moment comes it will. ^^ Won't you agree that Illumi is downright OOC? I mean, gaah, I wanted it to be angsty but it resulted as out of characterization genre of fic. hmp!

-TBC-


End file.
